I have a theory about bumsex and I’m not boasting here when I say it’s a pretty good one. It goes like this: anal sex is exactly like The Lord of the Rings.
You see, everybody has opinions about Lord of the Rings. Anybody who admits to never having read Lord of the Rings is instantly barraged with thoughts on it, whether or not it’s any good. Everyone seems to have read Lord of the Rings but you. And then maybe you read Lord of the Rings and it’s a bit hard-going and you ultimately give up halfway through and you’re not quite sure what all the fuss is about.
And then there are the people who have read and love The Silmarillion, but that’s another theory.
What I’m saying is I got halfway through The Two Towers and, basically: I’m sticking to The Hobbit.