Tiny Little Love Stories

Joel Golby is a man from the Internet who writes tiny little love stories over on his hipster-dude tumblr. They’re funny and rude and sometimes gross, and for Valentine’s Day he let a bunch of nerds submit guest stories. I wrote three.

Pea & Ham

The scab on her lip was close to lift-off, curling at the sides, wings enough to cast a shadow. He watched, silently repulsed, as spoon after careful spoon was tipped gently past her pavement-kissed lips. A sliver of pea washed ashore on the dead crust.  It hung there, quivering, gross.

“Maybe people will think I had cornflakes a week ago and ate them kind of messily,” he supposed she mumbled, through her accident strewn face. “Or maybe I just look like I have mouth herpes?”

The scab fell into the pea & ham, landing with barely a ripple. It floated there like a crouton.

Glass Slipper

Cars screeched on Theobalds Road, double-deckers honked and swerved. A young dude flailed apologetically while darting between the vehicles, scrabbling desperately for his lost quarry: a plastic banana-holder, now snapped, still salvageable.

She stood at the bus stop watching the scene, a single unbruised banana nestled gently in her coat pocket. She wondered if it would fit. It was February 12th.

She figured: bananas bend.


“KIRKAM AND WESHAM. NEXT STOP IS KIRKHAM AND WESHAM,” the announcer said. Our young protagonist checked her deceivingly slow watch, saw a missed train and a cold night in a grim Northern train station roll out like a rug in her immediate future.

The thin haggard man across the aisle sat in an oversized sport coat, hunched like an owl, holding in his hand a single drooped and rapidly browning daffodil. He handed it to her, publicly adjusted the heft of his balls. She would never correct the time.

This entry was posted in Elsewhere. Bookmark the permalink.